THE LANDMASTER’S BIBLE.pdf
(A Crash Course in Contemporary Geography)
(A Veritable “What’s What” of Cartography)
By Jerry Landry
“Keep this PDF with you for wherever you go, for whatever you do,
Because the land under your shoes is always all around you,
Beneath your anus and beside your feet,
May you know what to do when you,
Find where two lands meet”
~Christopher John Wallace
Ever hear that expression “stuck between a rock and a hard place?”
Neither have I.
With the tensile strength of one of Jon Hamm’s mild erections, rocks are some of the hardest things found on earth.
Like a snowflake, every rock is different. Some rocks are what professional geology professionals like to call “Gravel.” Gravel is a smooth, gray rock, and is often found (and distributed) in mass quantities. Mined from gravel quarries all across the country; Gravel miners risk their lives plunging deep into the depths of what most of us would consider to be Narnia. From New York to California, to Wichita, Kansas, from Minneapolis to Omaha, Seattle, Washington to Cleveland, Ohio (and Cleveland, Tennessee) to Jacksonville and Arkansas, to Detroit, Houston, Salem, Oregon and Salem, Massachusetts, to St. Petersburg to Pittsburgh, from Atlanta to Savannah, and back to Alabaster, Michigan, as well as everywhere else in between.
Another common rock variety is known as Obsidian — which is produced when felsic lava extruded from a volcano cools rapidly with minimal crystal growth. It is high in silica, hard, and very brittle.
So don’t mess around.
And now that we’ve pretty much covered all there is to know about rocks, let’s turn our attention to chapter two: (I promise I’ll get better at segues)
But first, a quick recipe for Jerry Landry’s ‘Knockout Jambalaya’:
- Two teaspoons (or pats) of real butter.
- Four teaspoons of brown sugar
- Eight teaspoons of…